Tuesday, April 28, 2015


hit me hard this week. Stress is part of it. My car died and budgeting for car payments is scary.

This night though, tonight got very rough. C was out tonight, it's our separate night. That's cool. But tonight, on G+ someone mentioned reading the eulogies for a deceased colleague and wondering what hers would say, what contributions has she made.

Me? I'm a secretary. I'm a pretty good one but not even a top secretary. I haven't made any great impact. The world would barely even ripple at my passing. Depression tells me how better off everyone would be if I weren't here anymore. Don't worry, I won't commit suicide. That's too much effort. Lots of people suffer depression, if more people are open about, maybe there'll be less stigma.

I've been doing my self care since my car died. I knew it was having a negative impact. I've had that car for twenty years. I've avoided reading negative or upsetting news in depth, are every meal, even went outside for some nature therapy, and tried to walk more.

Sorry if this is disjointed. I'm not at my best right now. But here, it's my new nails.
And an iris


Jane McLellan said...

Good luck. Love your nails. You're very special to more people than you realise, and brave to talk about your depression.

Shalea said...

Remember that our contributions to the world are not by any stretch of the imagination limited to what we do at our paid jobs. How much beauty have you added to the world through your tatting, and through teaching others and sharing your work? How much happiness have you given people by running games they truly enjoyed, or by recommending books they found they also loved, or simply by being their friend?

The world sucks sometimes and I am struggling right now myself, but try to remember the good.