Sunday, June 29, 2008

After finally getting out of my bad mood, I'm in a brown funk again. I'm 18 months late for a tatter's exchange. It came up yesterday. I knew that I didn't want to try & handle it at work; then had to skip out immediately after work (not that I managed to leave the building right away). I didn't get back online until I finally replied earlier tonight.

I spent half an hour or so crying; not pretty little Hollywood tears either. We're talking bawling, red-nose, headache-inducing tears. I'm really, really depresssed again. But I'm really good at hiding it. I've been self-medicating for hours; but I haven't been very successful.

the sad part is..I had the tatting done over a year ago. But every time I go to lay hands on the items and mail them, I get swept with darkness. About the time I signed up for the exchange I got hit with really bad depression. So bad that I couldn't even touch my shuttles for 3 months. Or was it 4. When I finally picked them up, the first thing I really worked on was my exchange projects. And my heart hurts. And my eyes are leaking again. Just typing about it hurts so bad.

I'm a worthless human being. I'm worthless, useless pos. I can't do anythihng right. no one can rely on me. i get everthing wrong. how can anyone like me. i'm crap.